Shakes Fist

At the library during my lunch break today, there were two teenage girls- they couldn't have been more than 13-14 years old. They were both wearing matching short-shorts and tiny tank tops, and they were both LOUD and obnoxious. Talking to each other, and on their cellphones, and then flirting with and talking to a guy who was MUCH older than them, with the one girl also showing said guy pictures of her sister "at the beach". Then they asked the guy if he was gay...I couldn't quite follow the logic of that one, except that the girls were, you know, 13-14 years old and I guess that's teenage logic? I dunno. The beach sister girl was on my left, and a middle-aged gentlemen was on my right. The guy on my right leaned over at one point, when the girls were being especially obnoxious, and dead-panned, "Oh, to be young again." and I laughed and said, "Ya know?" I left a few minutes later, mostly to avoid the increasingly growing urge to suddenly shout, "Shut the fuck up, you little squanches! No one wants to hear about your Myspace page! And for God's sake, put some pants on!"

On my way back to work, it suddenly occurred to me: Does it mean I'm old when a middle-aged man looks to me for solidarity against the youth of today? And does it mean I'm old when I totally feel that solidarity and was even thinking it first?

Anyhoo, on to a subject that is the opposite of solidarity: The cleaning people at my work don't like me. I didn't just come to this conclusion; I've suspected it for awhile, starting with the time they broke a lamp in my old office and continuing with the multiple times they've thrown my stuff on the floor and knocked things over on my desk, all in the name of "cleaning" my desk, even though everyone else says their desks never get wiped down. My latest "message" from them was clear: they want me to kiss their asses. What makes me think so? The fact that they moved a tiny toy elephant on my desk into this position, and left it for me to find the next morning:


And on a completely unrelated note, I was looking through the pictures on my cellphone yesterday whilst waiting for Cory to finish a game of Halo 3 and pay attention to me, when I came across three pictures I can only assume were taken by me accidentally pressing the camera button on the side of the phone without noticing:

This is me leaving work with a cup of water...

This is the corner of my coffee table and my cat...

This one took me a minute, but it's my arm and what looks like my work bag, presumably getting ready to get out of my car...

I should totally be a photographer.

Have a great Wednesday, everyone!

Goodies and Good Times

First things first! Last week, I received a totally bitchin' package FULL of super-awesome goodies from my best gal Angel. I got 2 books, some candy, soap flakes that are NOT candy, toys, super-cute charms that I made into a necklace (and got lots of, "OMG! Those charms are SO cute!" when I wore it), a really pretty flower pin, little origami papers, and some fake beer which has a bunch of Japanese writing on it, but also says in English, "This is *joke* beer. Enjoy the bubble!", which entertains me to no end. Here is a photo of my loot:

Yes, my pink sheets are lovely, I know. And big thank you, Angel!! :) You're the greatest! I showed off my package of fun all weekend!

Now, on to the weekend recap...

On Friday night, our friend Tim wanted a Boy's Night cause his wife is out of town, so I scheduled myself a Girl's Night. Sara, Bethany and I got together and ended up going to Mickey Finn's so that we could all see Lauren and also because Thuy was back in town for a couple of days and she was heading up there. Kyle got dropped off to hang out with us, and our friend Kayt also came. Here are Thuy, Kayt, and Bethany, out on the patio:

Our old friend Brett came with Thuy to the bar, and wins the prize for Drunkest Guy in Toledo on a Friday Night. This is because he was found by Moe, the Mickey Finn's Security Guy, laying in the middle of the parking lot. Shortly after that, Thuy and Brett realized that the girl who had driven them there had left, leaving them with no ride home. Brett was carried back inside and given lots of water, and Kayt was sweet enough to drive the two of them home. Now, I don't know this "Becky" girl, and have never talked to her before, but I gotta say...she's a bitch.

After I drove Bethany and Kyle home, Lauren met me at my house where Cory already had some of the guys over. Hijinx and an epic misplacing of Bobby ensued (I didn't find out where he was until Saturday afternoon, and his car was in our lot till Sunday night- sneaky SOB!).

Stuart finally got his cast off, which indirectly led to this:

The above directly led to this:

Friday was also Justin's birthday, so when we woke up on Saturday, I bought him Birthday Breakfast. Which was much better than the stale "Birthday Pizza" I gave him Friday night:

On Saturday, Cory and I went to Mike and Stephanie's for drinks with everyone before we all headed out to the Black Keys show. Quick side note: I got a splinter on their gate when I walked in and it was so deep into my finger, I had to dig it out with a razor blade. Picture that, then continue reading. You're welcome. In downtown Toledo, they have turned the old Erie Street Market into the Toledo Civic Center, and the Black Keys show was the inaugural concert. The Kills opened up for the Black Keys. Both bands were SOO good, and I really like the venue. The stage was big, there was a huge floor area with clear views from the stage everywhere, and there were food AND beer vendors. My only suggestions would be to switch the food and beer lines cause the beer line will always be longer, and it led into the crowd watching the show; someone needs to keep an eye on the soap and towels in the restrooms cause they ran out pretty fast; and they need to seriously chill out on the door stamp ink. EVERYONE was covered in blue about 5 minutes into the night, and it's now 2 days later and I can't get the giant C off of my hand. People had blue arms, blue fingers, blue noses....

The show was a huge success, though, and I was proud of Toledo for finally opening up a good venue and bringing in such great acts. The place was packed, and I saw people there I haven't seen in years, along with tons of friends who were equally as happy for such a good show coming through our town.

Unfortunately, this is the best picture I could get from the crowd, with my cellphone:

Eh, oh well. At least it's clear he has a beard, right?

After the show, a bunch of us went back to Mike and Stephanie's. Here's me with Cory and Mike...

Lots of beer and Jager bombs happened, then people starting dropping off one by one. Greg was first, but we all saw it coming when his friend asked, "How'd you get so drunk?" and he answered, "I'M UP!"

Cory and I still didn't make it home till around 6 a.m. I slept in till about 1:00 p.m., then my dad called to see if I would hang out at their house for a few hours while he and my mom went to see Polka Floyd downtown at the Rib Off (they like someone to at least be at the house when they're not, on account of my grandpa and all). So I went over, hung out with Gramps for a little while, then headed out to the backyard with a book. Lauren came over and the two of us spent the entire afternoon laying on cushioned lawn chairs, reading, chatting, snacking on our parent's food, and sharing the love of a fickle cat.

When my parents came home, they joined us in the backyard AND later bought us J & G's pizza for dinner. All in all, a sweet f'ing day! I have not been that lazy in SOO long, if ever, and it was awesome. And free food is always cool. Oh, and Lauren thought I poisoned her, but hello, she is totally still alive. So there.

When I did finally go home, Cory and I rented and watched The Darjeeling Limited, which was really funny in Wes Anderson's subtle way.

Hope everyone's having a lovely Monday!

Baby Smokes-A-Lot

I feel the need to quickly share the dumbest thing I've heard someone say all week.

Yesterday Cory and I were leaving our apartment building and these 2 girls who live a couple of floors below us were sitting outside, smoking cigarettes, with the one girl's nearly-newborn baby sitting with them. The baby was crying- no, SCREAMING- and the one girl was like, "Hmm...maybe he doesn't like the smell of the cigarettes."

Ya think??

Oh, Deer...

I know I've mentioned before that there are deer and foxes that roam the property where I work, but now I finally have photographic proof. Here are two deer who were hanging out yesterday as I was leaving work...the one on the left ran in front of my car...

Sorry the pictures are a little blurry...I was trying to drive and take pictures at the same time...not easy, but totally do-able.

In other news, my old roommate Thuy was in town this week. Thuy was one of my first roommates, way back when we lived in our treefort tri-plex. Our rooms were so close together, we could lay in our beds and chat, and it was as if we were sitting right next to each other. Everything in that place was miniature and all of the ceilings were slanted, so you'd smack your arms and elbows everytime you tried to put a shirt on. We could also hear everything going on in the apartments below us, and overheard quite the juicy secret or two... Anyhoo, Thuy came over for dinner and then she and I went to Wildwood. There were SOO many mosquitoes, they were ruthless!! I've never been attacked by so many at one time in my life. Then we got lost (still not sure how that happened, it's not like I don't go there all the time), and ended up finally getting out of the woods right as it was getting dark. Which I seem to remember happening the last time I went to Wildwood with Thuy, like 4 years ago. I guess whenever our brains get within a certain distance of each other, we lose all sense of direction? That's my theory. Either way, we got lots of good exercise, from the walk and from all the bug-swatting. My arms are like, totally buff now.

STOP! In the name of summer...

Cory and I went to see the Dark Knight over the weekend and it was seriously SOO GOOD!! I wish I was watching it right now...

I've always had a thing for the Batman movies but Batman Begins and now the Dark Knight are the best Batman movies ever, by far. I won't say anything more about it cause I don't wanna be a movie spoiler (like someone I know- ahem TIM), but really...you should go see it. You won't be disappointed.

This past weekend was a pretty good one. Cory was at Warped Tour for most of Friday, so I went to Bethany's and she made me dinner, which was delicious. Her daughter and I also pretended to be puppies. When Al got home, Bethany and I went to my house to wait for Cory and started our drinking a little early...and were nice and giggly by the time Cory got there to take us to Mickey's. Lucky fella.

Cory and I attempted to go to the Ann Arbor Art Fair on Saturday, but it started to rain on the way up there. So we got some food and then tried to go to Briarwood Mall...and ended up at the Art Fair, anyway. That's what we get for getting directions from teenagers. So we walked around in the rain for a bit before heading home to find out our air conditioner was broken (long story on the before and after of that one, but it involves a super big asshole of a repairman who is hopefully getting a stern talking-to today for his unnecessary rudeness). We went to see The Dark Knight, and although we were trying for the 7:45 p.m. show, all of the shows were sold out till 9:15.

After the movie, we headed out to Tim and Dani's. It was their 4 year wedding anniversary, so they had a bunch of us over. Did I mention that a newspaper took a group picture of us all during the 4th of July party there? Yup, we got to be on the front page. I've ordered a copy and am pretty excited about being a celebrity.

Everyone at Tim and Dani's was pretty sloshed, with the exception of yours truly, as I was the DD (payback for Cory driving Drunk Erin and Drunk Bethany around Friday night). The get together was a good time, with the exception of - Stuart tends to get drunk and accidentally injure me in clumsy ways. Once he dropped me from about 6 feet in the air onto a chair. This time, he was grabbing Bethany, lost his balance, and they both fell on top of me, where I sat on the floor against the hard part of the couch. Good times. He did make up for it by rolling around in sidewalk chalk in a black shirt, though. And Bethany made up for it by yelling, "STOP LIGHT!" out of a dead sleep on the way home.

Sunday was spent exactly the way every summer day should be spent- in the pool with Cory, my mom, and Lauren, followed by ice cream in the shade- paid for by Mumsy. Ahhh....

Oh, and our air conditioner was finally fixed around 8 p.m. last night. The guy (not the asshole, a different guy) tried to put it off for another day, but I insisted and volunteered Cory and Dustin to help. So, hoo-frickin'-ray and hallelujah!! I can actually cook dinner without suffocating tonight!!

It's the little things in life....

This Little Piggy Got Roasted

So, summer is officially halfway over, which means last weekend was the 18th Annual Pig Roast at Cory's dad's house in Gladwin, Michigan. And as always, it was full of good times, some bad times, debauchery, friends, douche-bags, camping, bikers, dogs, and lots and lots and lots of beer.

I'll start at the beginning. Due to a lot of people having kid- or work-related reasons for needing to be home last weekend, and a few last minute cancellations, Cory, Justin and I headed up to Gladwin on our own on Friday night. Dawn and her roommate Sarah were there, with the rest of their friends due to arrive on Saturday. Poor Nicole came up on Saturday, but not until getting lost for 2 hours- alone.

When we got there, Cory's dad was in a lot of pain. Turns out, he has bad knees and had been given cortisone injections a week before. Then, since his knees felt great after the injections, he spent the week overdoing it in order to get things ready for the Pig Roast. Then the injections wore off, and voila! Dave couldn't walk. To make a long story short, Dawn and Sarah ended up leaving at 6 a.m. to drive him to the hospital. They didn't return until Noon. Dave stayed in the hospital all weekend, leaving Cory and Dawn in charge.

We didn't realize all that goes into pulling off the Pig Roast every year, but Cory did a great job keeping up with it all, and Saturday turned out to be a big success and everyone had a great time. I have to leave out a lot of details since this is a public blog, after all, but I'm sure some of you will catch certain stories from time to time, sometime...especially regarding what, exactly, makes someone Queen or King of the Pig Roast, and how this year's Queen of the Pig Roast indirectly led to me saving the day not once, but twice.

In the meantime, here are some pictures...

Cory, trekking into the woods with a makeshift torch...

Yes, that Spongebob IS wearing a do-rag. Oh, yes, he is.

Me, Sarah, and Dawn...me wearing the sunglasses I totally wanted to steal, and even got permission to steal, but felt bad and gave them back. Mistake? Probably. I'm just saying, my face is now a tad lonely...

Cory taking a break from making a raffle happen to take a picture with his girlfriend... P.S. I won the second 50/50 raffle, without cheating or anything! Totally sweet.

A bunch of bands played...this is part of the stage in the barn...and those boys are Dawn's boyfriend and friends...that lady in the background is just for looks... And yes, the sign to her left says, "Surrender the Booty" and the one to the right says, "Preserve Wildlife, Throw a Party."

Here is the "Biggest Moth That Ever Lived, Ever", found by Tommy...then thrown into a cooler for photo purposes, and later released into the barn...

And finally, this is...well, this is a friend who is always the drunkest, and the craziest, and always gets into the funniest, oddest situations. BUT, he also has a good career and so, to protect his identity, I will call him "Henry" and black out his eyes so you can't recognize him. Here is what I call, "The Morning After", aka "WHO SENT YOU??"

Thus concludes Pig Roast 2008 Recap.

In other news, Stuart turned the big 2-6 yesterday, which means he might stop calling me "Old Lady" until- oh, I'd say, October or so.

Also, "Batman: Dark Knight" comes out this week and I'm so there.

Have a great Tuesday, everyone. :)

Fireworks and Sunsets

Sigh. Back to work after a super-fun, super-busy holiday weekend. I'd like to say I'm all rested and refreshed, but in actuality, I'm unrested and needing about 3 more weeks of time off.

Enough pouting, on to the 4th of July 2008 Picture Recap.

Our friends Tim and Dani live in downtown Maumee, and are in a primo location for all things festival/fireworks/town happenings. So everyone headed to their house on Thursday for a BBQ, classic rock cover-bands, kiddy games, and fireworks.

Here is Dani with their son Timmy, at the kiddy game tents:
Here are Stuart and Nevaeh...I actually got that cow hat for Nev, but she felt like it was beneath her and passed it on to her dad...

Bobby and Nevaeh in a playhouse...

The lovely Bethany and me, in Tim and Dani's front yard...if you look in the background, on the left, you can see Tim's ridiculously coordinated and flexible niece, walking on her hands...

Bobby and Harmony, watching fireworks...imitation is the sincerest form of flattery...

Ben, Joe P. and Cory, watching fireworks...

Cheering for the Grand Finale...

Cory, Tim, and Timmy...

Oh, and there was a giant slug- the biggest slug I've ever seen in real life- so of course, Stuart had to pick it up and almost put it in his mouth...

Here's a close-up, so you can appreciate how big this thing was...although I feel like this picture still doesn't do it justice...

Nevaeh was so grossed out by it that she yelled, "Ew, Daddy, STINKY!" and spit on the ground to accentuate her point.

On Friday morning, Cory and I realized it was a gorgeous day and decided it would be a good time to finally get our bikes from his mom's house. She came and picked us up and drove us to her house, and we rode our bikes back to our apartment, stopping to explore a cemetery along the way. I liked how this one lonely tree was all on its own in the middle of the cemetery...

Later that day, there was a big neighborhood party in my parent's neighborhood, filled with tons of food, fireworks, friends, and beer. Here are Kyle and Sara at sunset after a frisbee competition was cut short by someone parking in the throw zone...

Here is what the sunset looks like every night from my parent's front yard...

There were impressive firework displays being set off in four different places in our small neighborhood all night, but the neighbors we were all partying with had the most. Once the rest of the neighbors ran out of fireworks, they sat back and cheered for ours. And here is Lauren, trying to get pictures with fireworks behind her...

Bobby, me, and Bethany, drinking beers in the street...

Someone brought over a very pretty Great Dane, and sometime towards the end of the night, someone gave him/her a beer can collar...

And then Bethany tried to ride the dog. Which I totally don't blame her for, cause this dog is seriously the size of a pony. And Bethany is small enough for a pony.

The neighborhood party was a huge success and also kind of a blur at the end...I remember Cory wanting to set up a tent in my parent's backyard and camp out, and totally agreeing at first, only to decide I was too drunk to deal with such a seemingly big undertaking and begging Jason to drive us home. Then I think I tricked Cory into getting into Jason's car, then felt bad about backing out of the tent thing, so when we got home and Cory still wanted to sleep in a tent, we decided that the only compromise was to set up a tent in the living room and sleep in it. And we did. Then we played Tetris Evolution (from the tent), which I was still surprisingly good at, despite not being able to focus on the screen. Then we went to sleep in our tent, only to wake up the next morning and wonder where the hell we were. I had a giant hangover when I woke up and felt like I was made entirely of beer.

I was just finally getting over the hangover, after a day of relaxing and dinner with Cory and Dustin, when it was time to go to a party at Mike and Stephanie's. Bobby and Dustin both came with us and Mike an Steph had their Wii set up on the lawn with a projector projecting it onto a screen, and there were Jager bombs and Jello shots and good, good times. It was a bit chilly (I had on a dress, sweatpants, and a sweater- super stylish, I know), which you need to know for the next picture.

Here is Dustin fulfilling a Double Dog Dare, aka the Most Serious Dare of Them All:

Cory, Dustin, and Bobby left to pick up our friend Justin and play XBox 360, and I stayed to drink more and chitchat more and be peer-pressured into too many Jello shots. Cory was a doll and came to pick me up around 3:30 a.m.

The next day, Holly, her son Johnny, and I FINALLY went to the zoo! We've been planning this for weeks, and scheduling conflicts, work, and Johnny being sick all kept getting in the way. Finally the stars aligned and off to the zoo we went...

It was a really good day for the zoo- it seemed like all of the animals were hanging out right by the glass/fences and right where you could see them up close and personal. So close and personal, Johnny ran away more than once, thinking they were gonna get him. We could hear the sloth bear breathing, and more than one gorilla swung on a vine right towards the glass, which really made Johnny run.

Here are Holly and Johnny in the petting zoo... By the way, Holly is due in November and finds out what she's having on the 21st of this month... :)

Here's Johnny with his alligator in the Carnivore Cafe, which used to be the lion and tiger cages, way back when...

And here's Johnny and the fake gorillas...we seriously had to drag him away from these, screaming and crying...he was clinging to the butt of the gorilla you can kind of see on the right, which made a bunch of people passing by laugh pretty hard...

Our day at the zoo was such a good time, and I don't get to see Holly nearly enough, so that made it even better. And Johnny is such a cutie, and as Holly put it, "ornery", which always makes me laugh. Even when he looked me straight in the eye and dumped water all over my legs.

After the zoo, Cory, Bobby, Justin, and I went to Taco Sunday, which we haven't done since we lived at Underwood, then we met up with Dustin and some of his friends out in the country. Then Cory and I went home and just relaxed and enjoyed each other's company for the rest of the night, which was much-needed.

Here ends our Tour of 4th of July Weekend, 2008. I hope you enjoied the tour and kept your arms and legs inside the tour at all times and stayed seated until the tour came to a complete stop.