Monday, March 24, 2008
Wednesday, March 19, 2008
Generosity, thy name is uh...guy who came before me.
I moved today.
No, not to a new apartment...out of my pretty office. I won't go into the boring work-related details, I will only say I'm very sad about this for a number of reasons. The privacy of having your own office can't be beat. And it's very important for someone like me who routinely makes an ass out of herself 7 out of the 8 hours I'm at work. But when I'm tucked away in my office, all of the clumsy/dipshit things I do are hidden and no one knows about them until they're over and/or cleaned up and I relay the story in a slightly cleaned-up manner.
For example.
The other day, I reached for the little container that held my half sandwich and somehow, I still can't figure out how, dumped over an entire, full to the rim, glass of ice water. All over my desk, all sorts of papers, my calendar, my mouse...it started spilling over the edge of the desk, cascading onto the floor like a mini, ice-filled waterfall.
A couple of weeks ago I was eating a Kudos- it's a granola bar with a very thin, barely-there layer of chocolate. But it doesn't matter how thin the layer of chocolate is. I still managed to drop a chunk of it into my lap without noticing, and about 1/2 hour or so later, I ran my hand through my hair and on its way back down, noticed that it was covered in chocolate. It took me a minute to put two and two together, but I realized I had dropped chocolate into my lap, which then melted, which then transferred onto my hand and arm, and then made its way into my hair.
That's only scratching the surface, trust me.
Anyway. I'm now going to be sitting in a cubicle with a lady sitting right across from me, so I'm sure I'll put on quite a show for her over the time I sit there. Did I mention I also sometimes start singing along to my radio without realizing? Poor lady doesn't know what she's in for.
But there is a bright side! The person who had my new desk before me left me all sorts of treats! What kind of treats, you ask? Well, in the short time I had to look through my new desk drawers, I found a half-empty carton of mixed nuts, part of a wrapper for a creme-something, a used butter knife, and a smashed candy cane! Oh, but that's not all! I opened up some cabinets above my cubicle and not only found a lifetime's supply of corporate coasters, but someone had helpfully included two stale chunks of pita bread. I can only imagine the thought process that happened before those pita chunks ended up there...
I don't even need to bring a lunch tomorrow!
No, not to a new apartment...out of my pretty office. I won't go into the boring work-related details, I will only say I'm very sad about this for a number of reasons. The privacy of having your own office can't be beat. And it's very important for someone like me who routinely makes an ass out of herself 7 out of the 8 hours I'm at work. But when I'm tucked away in my office, all of the clumsy/dipshit things I do are hidden and no one knows about them until they're over and/or cleaned up and I relay the story in a slightly cleaned-up manner.
For example.
The other day, I reached for the little container that held my half sandwich and somehow, I still can't figure out how, dumped over an entire, full to the rim, glass of ice water. All over my desk, all sorts of papers, my calendar, my mouse...it started spilling over the edge of the desk, cascading onto the floor like a mini, ice-filled waterfall.
A couple of weeks ago I was eating a Kudos- it's a granola bar with a very thin, barely-there layer of chocolate. But it doesn't matter how thin the layer of chocolate is. I still managed to drop a chunk of it into my lap without noticing, and about 1/2 hour or so later, I ran my hand through my hair and on its way back down, noticed that it was covered in chocolate. It took me a minute to put two and two together, but I realized I had dropped chocolate into my lap, which then melted, which then transferred onto my hand and arm, and then made its way into my hair.
That's only scratching the surface, trust me.
Anyway. I'm now going to be sitting in a cubicle with a lady sitting right across from me, so I'm sure I'll put on quite a show for her over the time I sit there. Did I mention I also sometimes start singing along to my radio without realizing? Poor lady doesn't know what she's in for.
But there is a bright side! The person who had my new desk before me left me all sorts of treats! What kind of treats, you ask? Well, in the short time I had to look through my new desk drawers, I found a half-empty carton of mixed nuts, part of a wrapper for a creme-something, a used butter knife, and a smashed candy cane! Oh, but that's not all! I opened up some cabinets above my cubicle and not only found a lifetime's supply of corporate coasters, but someone had helpfully included two stale chunks of pita bread. I can only imagine the thought process that happened before those pita chunks ended up there...
I don't even need to bring a lunch tomorrow!
Tuesday, March 18, 2008
Erin Go Bragh, Indeed.
Yesterday was St. Patrick's Day, and as is our usual St. Patrick's Day tradition, we spent it up at Mickey Finn's (which is actually owned by an Irish man, unlike another Toledo "Irish" pub which is owned by a Polish man...just an observation in honor of a certain someone's holiday rant). Anyhoo, while there I was reminded of something that is fast becoming one of my favorite parts of going out to bars: Overheard Drunk Girl Conversations in the Ladies Room. First up are two girls who were already in the restroom when I walked in, so they were aware of my presence. We'll call them Brunette 1 and Brunette 2.
Brunette 1: OMG, like, is he going to, like, pick us up or what?
Brunette 2: Well, he better not, like, say he's too drunk or something!
Brunette 1: OMG, look at my cleavage.
Brunette 2: **giggles**
Brunette 1: Seriously, my tits didn't used to fill out my bra, and like, now all of a sudden, they spill right out of it. I think I'm knocked up.
Brunette 2: Are you serious?
Brunette 1: Look at my tits! I like, have to be knocked up. I'm knocked up. OMG, if I'm knocked up, seriously, you have, like, no idea.
Too bad the size of your boobs is the only way to determine pregnancy. They should really come up with a test or something for that...
Moving on...
Later I was washing my hands and a girl walked in behind me. She doesn't say anything to me, but looks at herself in the mirror and notices her underwear is slightly poking out of the top of her pants. She gets visibly upset and yells, "Jesus Christ, I look like a WHORE!"
Then she stormed into one of the stalls, obviously just disgusted with herself. I felt like I should have waited for her and led her by the hand on a tour around the bar and introduced her to a few of the ladies I noticed who were purposely exposing their underthings. And then reassured her that at least she didn't have "knocked up tits".
Now on with the pictures...
Note: I found 2 cigars in a nice, sealed bag with matches and everything when I first got to the Pub.
Here's me with a beard....
Eric...I dropped him off on the street somewhere downtown last night (at his request)...hopefully he made it home Ok... 
Bethany...too short, even for a leprochaun...
The fellas...
Lauren and Lindsay and the Attack of the Giant Inflatable Leprochaun Hand...Friday, March 14, 2008
Plop, fizz
Continuing my reign as the World's Most Easily Amused Person...did you know that Alka Seltzer tablets work exactly as the commercials show that they do? I didn't know that, but they do. And they make tablets that double for cough suppression AND mucus congestion. Gross, I know, but this is exactly what I need at the moment... BUT! I can handle a little cough and mucus, because it was caused by the weather change. And for once, by "weather change", I mean- it's getting warmer outside!! I didn't even wear my winter coat to work today. So take THAT, March! (now the joke will be on me next week when it snows again or something equally as mood-crushing).
Anyhoo. I work at the Corporate headquarters for a large corporation that has lots of facilities throughout the world. This week, one HR person from each (well, most) of our U.S. and Canadian faciilities visited the Corporate office for an HR conference. I actually deal with these people quite a bit in my job, because I deal with background checks and drug screens and all of those other fun pre-employment whats-its, but all of our dealings are usually done via e-mail. So it was really interesting and kind of fun to finally meet a lot of these people face to face.
That is, until one particular woman said, "Oh, for some reason I thought you were a boy." I laughed and said, "Oh, yeah, I get that sometimes, but no. I'm a girl!" I smile. She doesn't. She says, "I don't know why I thought that?" then stares at me, as if waiting for me to offer her an explanation as to why she would assume I was male. I said, "Well, yeah, Erin is a boy and a girl's name, but I spell it different, so..." She doesn't respond and keeps staring at me, as if this explanation isn't good enough. So I say, "Well, we did used to have a boy named Aaron who worked with us, so maybe that's why." To which my boss decided to (helpfully) add, "No, I don't think she ever dealt with him." The lady continues her stare. I start wondering how I'm supposed to explain her own thought process to her. The only thing I can think of to say is, "Uh, I don't know, then, I guess it's just that it's a boy and a girl's name..." and I kind of trailed off. Then there was an awkward silence. I decided the only course of action after that was, "Well, nice to meet you!" and retreat quickly. I got back up to my office and decided to open my mail. And the first one I opened just so happened to be addressed to, "Mr. Erin".
Seriously.
It's not that hard. "Erin" equals girl. "Aaron" equals boy. And if all else fails, and you aren't sure, leave the "Mr." or "Ms." completely out of it and just go with the first name.
This has been a public service announcement on behalf of Erins and Aarons everywhere.
Have a great weekend, guys. :)
Anyhoo. I work at the Corporate headquarters for a large corporation that has lots of facilities throughout the world. This week, one HR person from each (well, most) of our U.S. and Canadian faciilities visited the Corporate office for an HR conference. I actually deal with these people quite a bit in my job, because I deal with background checks and drug screens and all of those other fun pre-employment whats-its, but all of our dealings are usually done via e-mail. So it was really interesting and kind of fun to finally meet a lot of these people face to face.
That is, until one particular woman said, "Oh, for some reason I thought you were a boy." I laughed and said, "Oh, yeah, I get that sometimes, but no. I'm a girl!" I smile. She doesn't. She says, "I don't know why I thought that?" then stares at me, as if waiting for me to offer her an explanation as to why she would assume I was male. I said, "Well, yeah, Erin is a boy and a girl's name, but I spell it different, so..." She doesn't respond and keeps staring at me, as if this explanation isn't good enough. So I say, "Well, we did used to have a boy named Aaron who worked with us, so maybe that's why." To which my boss decided to (helpfully) add, "No, I don't think she ever dealt with him." The lady continues her stare. I start wondering how I'm supposed to explain her own thought process to her. The only thing I can think of to say is, "Uh, I don't know, then, I guess it's just that it's a boy and a girl's name..." and I kind of trailed off. Then there was an awkward silence. I decided the only course of action after that was, "Well, nice to meet you!" and retreat quickly. I got back up to my office and decided to open my mail. And the first one I opened just so happened to be addressed to, "Mr. Erin".
Seriously.
It's not that hard. "Erin" equals girl. "Aaron" equals boy. And if all else fails, and you aren't sure, leave the "Mr." or "Ms." completely out of it and just go with the first name.
This has been a public service announcement on behalf of Erins and Aarons everywhere.
Have a great weekend, guys. :)
Tuesday, March 11, 2008
Pearls In My Pocket
I am feeling very salty today, and more than a little disgruntled, for a number of reasons that I won't go into on a public blog.
Anyway, everyone should send me e-mails and make me smile. Otherwise I will sit here and pout all day. And no, that won't directly affect anyone else...but still...
Hope everyone else is having a lovely Tuesday.
Anyway, everyone should send me e-mails and make me smile. Otherwise I will sit here and pout all day. And no, that won't directly affect anyone else...but still...
Hope everyone else is having a lovely Tuesday.
Thursday, March 6, 2008
Witch Doctor
Some random Thursday thoughts...
- If it is possible to overdose on carrots, I'll find out soon cause I can't stop eating them.
- My brown heels are much louder when I walk than my black ones.
- Flipping off other drivers whilst wearing mittens kind of defeats the purpose.
There is a movie theatre in Maumee that shows movies for $1 on Wednesdays, so Cory and I have made this a weekly date. Last night, we went to see the "Alvin and the Chipmunks" movie. Alvin and the Chipmunks were my favorite show/music/action figures when I was little, so I was very excited about this, not to mention the fact that I'm also a big Jason Lee fan and he plays Dave Seville. Then when the movie started, we got a big ol' bonus in that David Cross plays the evil record company guy. Loved the movie and discovered I'm still a big sucker for those lil' guys... When I was younger, I had a record of the Chipmunks singing 60's through 80's song. Oh, yes- "Bette Davis Eyes", "Jesse's Girl", "Heartbreaker", "Leader of the Pack"- to me, they were sung by the Chipmunks first and those other artists just covered them. Rick Springfield, I'm looking at you.
By the way, for anyone who isn't surrounded by office ladies all day long (has anyone else ever noticed that office ladies always have the most current weather report? Forget Bill Spencer, I'll go to Marcie at the front desk, thank you), we are apparently supposed to get 6 inches of snow tomorrow. I blame myself, because yesterday morning, I accidentally let myself think, "I wonder if this is the last of the snow for a little while?" Sorry, guys. It won't happen again.
And I almost forgot- last week Cory and I went up to Detroit to see a band called the HorrorPops with our friends Tim and Dani. Besides almost going to Canada by accident, we discovered that we all feel very out of touch with today's youth. Since when and a big WHY are certain 80's fashions back in style? I swear I saw borderline mullets in that crowd, and I have to say, please stop it. Just because you dye it pretty colors, doesn't make it any less of a mullet. Mixed in with the bad fashion choices, though, were pair upon pair of super f'ing cute high heels. Rockabilly girls most certainly know how to pick out a pair of shoes, I tell you what. Oh, but the show was awesome. Gotta love a lady who can rock the stand up bass like Patricia Day...and did I mention they had go-go dancers? I so very much want one of their go-go dancer skirts...
But I digress. I'm very distracted today. I don't know if it's cause Lost is on tonight or excitement over my new red heels (courtesy of Bethany) or mentally decorating certain parts of the apartment or trying to decide what CD to listen to next...
I wonder where I can find a go-go dancer skirt...
- If it is possible to overdose on carrots, I'll find out soon cause I can't stop eating them.
- My brown heels are much louder when I walk than my black ones.
- Flipping off other drivers whilst wearing mittens kind of defeats the purpose.
There is a movie theatre in Maumee that shows movies for $1 on Wednesdays, so Cory and I have made this a weekly date. Last night, we went to see the "Alvin and the Chipmunks" movie. Alvin and the Chipmunks were my favorite show/music/action figures when I was little, so I was very excited about this, not to mention the fact that I'm also a big Jason Lee fan and he plays Dave Seville. Then when the movie started, we got a big ol' bonus in that David Cross plays the evil record company guy. Loved the movie and discovered I'm still a big sucker for those lil' guys... When I was younger, I had a record of the Chipmunks singing 60's through 80's song. Oh, yes- "Bette Davis Eyes", "Jesse's Girl", "Heartbreaker", "Leader of the Pack"- to me, they were sung by the Chipmunks first and those other artists just covered them. Rick Springfield, I'm looking at you.
By the way, for anyone who isn't surrounded by office ladies all day long (has anyone else ever noticed that office ladies always have the most current weather report? Forget Bill Spencer, I'll go to Marcie at the front desk, thank you), we are apparently supposed to get 6 inches of snow tomorrow. I blame myself, because yesterday morning, I accidentally let myself think, "I wonder if this is the last of the snow for a little while?" Sorry, guys. It won't happen again.
And I almost forgot- last week Cory and I went up to Detroit to see a band called the HorrorPops with our friends Tim and Dani. Besides almost going to Canada by accident, we discovered that we all feel very out of touch with today's youth. Since when and a big WHY are certain 80's fashions back in style? I swear I saw borderline mullets in that crowd, and I have to say, please stop it. Just because you dye it pretty colors, doesn't make it any less of a mullet. Mixed in with the bad fashion choices, though, were pair upon pair of super f'ing cute high heels. Rockabilly girls most certainly know how to pick out a pair of shoes, I tell you what. Oh, but the show was awesome. Gotta love a lady who can rock the stand up bass like Patricia Day...and did I mention they had go-go dancers? I so very much want one of their go-go dancer skirts...
But I digress. I'm very distracted today. I don't know if it's cause Lost is on tonight or excitement over my new red heels (courtesy of Bethany) or mentally decorating certain parts of the apartment or trying to decide what CD to listen to next...
I wonder where I can find a go-go dancer skirt...
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