Babies Are Mean

So I made the grave mistake of picking up my friend Holly's 2 year old yesterday. He tried biting my necklace (seriously, his eyes just zeroed in on it and he bared his teeth like a vampire and started moving slowwly towards my neck). I told him no and moved away from his scary biting motions, and this angered him. He took a swipe at me, then took a swipe at Mommy, who also told him no, then he turned back and smacked me right in the mouth with a pair of goggles. I now have a very pretty fat lip for the first time in YEARS.

I told Cory that my mom did it (she didn't think that was funny), then I told Bobby that Cory did it because I spoke before being spoken to while he was talking with another Man. It actually looks grosser on the inside, but I couldn't get a good picture of it that didn't look too pouty and slutty. Oh, and that green necklace is the one that apparently looks delicious to toddlers. Lesson learnt.

In other news, according to this article http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/26353351/?GT1=43001, people in Nebraska can now abandon their kids, no questions asked, up to age 19. Can you imagine if you had had that threat hanging over your head when you were younger? "You better eat all of your broccoli, or I'm taking you to No Questions Asked!" "Oh, you don't think the $5 tennis shoes I bought you from Wal-Mart are good enough for your first day of school? Well, maybe the nice folks at No Questions Asked will buy you those Nikes you want so much!" "You know, if you continue to give my best friend a fat lip with a pair of goggles, maybe I should just drop you off at No Questions Asked!"

Photographs and Memories...

I have been meaning to upload my pictures all week and post blogs, but I didn't get to it until today. So, instead of several blogs with a few pictures, you are getting one blog with an overly abundant amount of pictures. Enjoi.

First, I have more pictures of the deer that live at my work. We just got word this week that our building is being sold and we are moving elsewhere, so I thought it appropriate to show you these guys one more time. (P.S. The new owners have promised they will take care of our deer after we leave.)

Here is the Mom deer:

Here is one of the baby deer, considering stepping in front of my car:

And here are all three of them, running away from me:

If you click on these pictures to make them bigger, you can see the deer better and see how pretty they are. Go ahead, have a click!

On to last Saturday night. The weekend before last, my good friend Sara had a birthday party, but Cory, Kyle and I missed it cause we were in East Lansing. So we went out last Friday to belatedly celebrate and wear dresses. I told Sara I didn't care where we went or what we did, as long as she got drunk, cause I love me some drunk Sara. She did not disappoint.

Here are Sara, me, and my lovely sisters at Easy Street:

Sisters again...

Bobby Thunder:

We're getting gigglier...

And then....

Me and Lauren...

Sara, at last call at Wesley's...

I love this picture of Lauren because look very closely at those dudes on the left, checking her out as she walks by... I think there were a few more behind her, too... That Lauren, she IS a looker...

Sara, back at me and Cory's, attempting to play cards...

Lauren, obviously thinking someone's silly but I don't remember who...

Here I am on my way to the movies on Wednesday, trying to take a picture of my new dress (it's kind of a long drive to the movies)...

Here is my super cute, super giant new bag that I ordered off Etsy...

And here is Cory, wondering "what the hell I am doing" after I took a picture of my bag...

And on to Lauren's art show last night... I couldn't get Lauren and Kyle to understand the concept of keeping still when I was taking their pictures...

See? No stillness.

I know how to stay still for pictures.

Lauren is making masks for a charity event. One is finished and the other is not. Both are kinda creepy...

Tweet?

Now I'm going to be a sister brag-a-boo and show you a bunch of pictures of Lauren's art work, because she is awesome and I am proud of her.

This picture is titled, "But I Love Him." The elephant on the left has a black eye and is buying concealer and a pregnancy test.

Here is a pimp elephant and his prostitute. Lauren's elephants are misbehavors. Once, a lady came into Lauren's studio and asked if the prostitute lady was going to a cocktail party. No, ma'am, she is not.

This one is called, "Don't Take Candy From Strangers." This one made a child hide and cry yesterday.

These are Lauren's mix n' match monsters...

This monster painting depicts what it's like to work at a bar.

I like these guys...

This guy is super cute. I forget his name.

And lastly, here is Lauren in the middle of her studio, surrounded by her creations, the way she likes it. This was my second attempt, because guess what she did during my first attempt? That's right, moved.

Have a great weekend, everyone!

Squirm

My home page on my computer is MSN.com, and everytime I have opened up my internet today, I have been confronted by the headline: "Man Gets 9-Foot Tapeworm" (http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/26290797 in case you wanna be icked out). Seriously, this disturbs me on so many levels. So many, in fact, that I feel the need to disturb the 2 or 3 people who read this blog by sharing. You're welcome.

To take this a bit further, let's picture this worm swimming around inside your body, and then peeking out of your throat and butt at the same time (well, it is 9 feet long, after all- it could reach both orifices at once).

Now you're really welcome.

Dear Erin...

Received in this morning's e-mail from my dear friend Mike...

Line-Dancing Burgers

So. I've realized I like to start a lot of sentences with the word "so".

So. On Friday, Cory and I went to see Ted Nugent at the Rib Off. It was super cheap and you know how I love me some big Toledo gatherings. This was THE big Toledo gathering to end all Toledo gatherings. You have no idea. Yet. But you will. Because I'm going to tell you.

First of all, this is the guy we were originally standing behind. That mullet is a real beauty, if you ask me. And do you see the fuzzy American flag hat to his right? Oh, yes, that is his girlfriend. She was at least 10-20 years younger than him, though, so apparently that hair works overtime. In the front.


In abundance in this crowd: American flag apparel, do-rags, cowboy hats, Ted Nugent hunting camp hats, vests, short-shorts (on girls AND guys), leather (even though it was hot out)- eh, you get the idea.

Later, we ended up behind a dad, his son, and the son's girlfriend. The son and dad were wearing matching Nugent tour t-shirts and were both matchingly wasted. They both bounced up and down and high-fived at the beginning of each song, and the dad did some impressive air-drumming and air-guitaring. Everytime the son started air-instrumenting, his girlfriend would pull his hand down and whisper something in his ear, presumably, "Knock it off, you look like an idiot!" Later the girlfriend got in front of them to take pictures for them, and dad and son moved a considerable distance away from her without letting her know. She turned around about 5-10 minutes later to say something to her boyfriend, then looked panicked when she realized he was nowhere to be found. No worries, though. Thanks to dad's air drums, she located them soon enough. I miss those guys...

Because it was the Rib Off, Ted Nugent made sure to add the word "ribs" to every song, and talked about ribs between every song. He also loves America, dead shit, blood brothers*, and blessing America and dead shit. And he shot a flaming arrow through a guitar.

*By the way, if you are from Michigan or Ohio, you are Uncle Teddy's blood brother. You also qualify as his blood brother if you like to hunt.

Oh, and I may have screamed so loud I almost lost my voice when Fred Bear started. But seriously, that's a really good song.

Anyhoo, on to Saturday. After waking up and baking a ham, Cory and I met up with Nicole and Kyle for a trip to East Lansing. Cory's sister Dawn is moving to Livonia this week, so it was her last weekend there. On the way there, we were listening to a song that has the lyrics, "Lolly, lolly, lolly, lolly, let me see that body-body" and I commented that saying "Lolly, lolly" over and over is kind of hard. To which Kyle replied, "See, rappers are talented!" Touche.

As soon as we got to Dawn's apartment, it was raining, so Kyle ran from the car to the door. And tripped and fell, right on the deck. She hurt her tailbone and her ankle, but not to worry- she felt better after a few beers. She's in some pain today, though.

It was also Brew's birthday, so we all went to a bar called the Riv. Brew is really good at dancing the Thriller dance. Here he is mid-Thriller:

That kid to the right is Miggett, who is really good at dressing like Wayne Campbell.

And I know no one was wondering, but in case you ever wonder why I don't post many pictures of Cory and I in the same picture, it's because this is what I have to go through everytime I ask him to take a picture together. Here he is "winking":

Here he is, um...I have no idea, really:

And finally, I get the exaggerated eyebrow:

It's not just me, though...look at how he takes pictures with Nicole:

And here is what happens when you play a line-dancing song, even at a "cool" college bar:

When we got home on Sunday, I went for a bike ride with Mike and Stephanie, and we got caught in a rainstorm, all because I wanted to show them ponies and a donkey. It stopped raining once we crossed the state line back into Ohio, so we decided to have a BBQ. Stephanie makes the most delicious burgers in all the land. Seriously. Usually I just think hamburgers are so-so, but this burger was freakin' delicious. AND she gave me corn on the cob with it. Fuckin' sweet, for reals. Mike and Stephanie also have a movie projector in their backyard, so the four of us (Cory came over for the BBQ, etc.) snuggled under blankets and watched an Australian horror movie called Wolf Creek. Nothing like a nice slasher movie in a dark backyard on a cloudy, windy night.

Speaking of cloudy, windy nights- hello, summer, where did you go? I'm enjoying the nice weather, I am, but I also kinda miss the heat that I thought I was scheduled to receive every August. I'm not done with swimming yet, what gives?

Sincerely, E.

So Long, Passions...

Oh, the times we've had....