You Knock Me Off'a My Feet

To: Anyone who has seen as many episodes of Scrubs as I have,

Do you remember that episode after the one where Dr. Cox punched Dr. Kelso in the nose? And Dr. Kelso is walking around for most of the episode making a loud squeaky noise through his nose? And everyone at the hospital can hear him coming so no one does any work till they hear him coming, then they all start working really hard right as he walks by? Then Dr. Cox gets annoyed by the squeaking he created and re-centers his nose in the elevator?

Well, there's a lady at the library right now whose nose is making that exact same noise, and it's not comedically funny, it's gross and annoying. Actually, the squeaking part is just annoying. The gross part is that she keeps hacking things up out of her throat and coughing all over the movie shelves.

Also, I was behind her on the way into the library and there was a dog barking who had to be at least a mile away, yet she still found it necessary to yell, "Shut up, you stupid fucking dog!" as she opened the door. Now she's in the kids' book section, telling a teenager all about how much she hates kids. Which begs the question, why is she in the kids' book section, then?

Anyhoo. Had tons o' fun yesterday. Lauren, her friend Micah, Stu & Bri, and Kyle came over to Cory's mom's and we all had a BBQ and swam. We made a killer whirlpool whilst holding beers above the water. Running out of beer and trying to get a new one from the edge of the deck was dangerous. It usually took me 1 or 2 tries to grab one before the water swept me away and back around the circle of the pool.

Now let's talk about Michael Jackson for a minute. So there I am at work on Thursday, reading all about Farrah Fawcett's death. Then I leave work, am in the car for about an hour and a half (Ann Arbor rush hour traffic, combined with a thunderstorm and very heavy rains, equals fun-sized traffic jam). During this hour and a half, I listened to a book on CD. Also during this hour and a half, Michael Jackson dies and I am completely unaware. So I get home and start to hurriedly change clothes and get ready to meet my parents, Kyle & Lauren for Kyle's birthday dinner. Then Bobby texts me and says, "I just heard from a kid at work that Michael Jackson died." And I text back, "What? No, no...Farrah Fawcett died, not Michael Jackson." I'm pretty much like, "Duh, Bobby, get your shit straight, dawg!" Then I get a text from Bri, "OMFG! Michael Jackson is dead at 50!" And my immediate thought is, "Oh, I didn't believe Bobby's little joke so now he's getting Bri in on it and having her text me his lies." But then I remember, with Bobby, you never know what you're getting, truth or fiction-wise, so I turned on the BBC and low and behold...they were right. And Cory was napping on the couch so I ran out and said, "CORY! You have to get up, so many things are happening!" Then we all spent Kyle's birthday dinner getting text after text that said, "Did you hear that Michael Jackson died?" I'm surprised the whole cellular community didn't just crash from exhaustion. I heard the internet almost did...

I've always been a very big fan of Michael Jackson's music- my sisters and I always request it so we can dance to it at weddings, I grew up watching the videos (including the ones that debuted after In Living Color, remember that?) and Kyle may or may not have a video floating around the internet of me and Stuart attempting the Thriller dance. I even got into that newer song he made that featured Chris Tucker, and used to listen to it so loudly while dance-cleaning my first apartment that I had my first angry neighbor run-in with a guy who didn't think it was necessary for me to listen to Michael Jackson quite so loud at midnight on a weeknight. As far as his personal eccentricities go- well, I think his upbringing, non-stop superstardom and media intrustion from the age of 6, and we, the ridiculing American public, are mostly to blame for that, although I am in no way condoning anything tawdry that may or may not have happened with children. All of those things aside, you can't deny those songs, or that dancing. Which is to say that I did fully enjoi all of the Michael Jackson song marathons on the radio this weekend, and I was pretty excited about the music video marathon VH1 ran on Saturday, although I didn't manage to stay awake for all of it.

My point is this...I have a Michael Jackson cassette tape and I will sell it to you for $175.

No, I'm just kidding. That's not my point at all.

Especially cause that tape has The Way You Make Me Feel on it and what else am I gonna listen to while wearing my black mini-dress and being pursued through the streets while simultaneously being serenaded by a dancing man?

I mean, jeez, a girl's gotta have her hobbies.